Motherhood

In just a few days, my sweet little girl will be 3 months old. I suddenly commiserate with parents who are watching their babies graduate high school and leave their home for the first time in 18 years. Is 18 years long enough to hold them and see them every day and have them close and kiss them goodbye when they go off to school?

One day at a time...

Well, today I'm watching Naomi play in her exersaucer. She loves to stand up and stretch out her legs, and since mama and daddy can't hold her up all the time, the exersaucer takes over now and then. She holds her little head up and smiles and coos and I can hardly take my eyes off her to stop and write... But one day I'll want to remember what these days were like, so I take my eyes off her just long enough to write.

Some of my favorite things about life now...

1. Her smile. When I catch her gaze and she smiles at me, I melt. I don't hesitate to make a fool out of myself just to get a little grin.

2. Waking up next to her. She burrows against my side to sleep and stays there all night. I get to wake up to her peaceful, beautiful face every morning. And then when she wakes up, she stretches, groans, toots, and yawns over and over.

3. Watching Ross with her. Especially when he's been at work all day and comes home to us, he loves to play with her and make her smile. She's so lucky to have him for her Daddy.

Thank you, Lord, for entrusting your precious child to us to love, hold, teach, and enjoy.

Tis the Season?

It's so exciting to see signs of summer outside! A few more sunny days, not needing a jacket (most days), rolling the windows down in the car, birds singing, the garden blooming and flourishing, even one beautiful day of 70 degrees! Now if only we could get the temperature up more often...

Maybe it's just that I'm pregnant and I notice it more, but I have seen so many pregnant women lately! Last weekend Ross and I were at Ikea and I'm sure 1 in every 3 women was pregnant. I think this is the season to be pregnant!

My bump is getting more and more obvious and I'm beginning to feel the effects more. The picture is me at 17 weeks, and tomorrow I'll be 18. Baby is big enough now that I'm feeling movement. It's so exciting when I realize that it is definitely the baby, not any of the other crazy things going on in my body. My little girls at work ask me every day if they will be able to feel it yet. Not yet, but I promise them that when the baby is big enough, I will make sure and let them feel when he/she is moving. Of course, they put their hands on my belly and check to make sure anyway. :)

Soon, so soon, Ross and I will be watching our little one grow up. It's so strange to think of the future for this baby. I look at parents and children around me every day and think, "Wow! I hope my kids aren't like that," or "I need to learn from that mom/dad because they did something right!" But it seems like all we can do to get ready for this is to pray and seek God's guidance. I'm sure that nothing will go like we planned, but God is great at taking our plans, tossing them out the window, and doing something much better than we could have come up with on our own!

Tuesday I'm heading home to Midland to be with my family. In the last few weeks, my Papaw's health and mental state have seriously deteriorated and it seems that he may not be here much longer. Most of my family is now spending their time caring for him and my grandmom and just being near them. Grandmomma has dementia and doesn't know most of her family anymore, but Lani says she's just as sweet and compliant as ever. Papaw has really struggled with her state and has just been depressed for quite a while. I can't help but think his failing health is a result. It's hard to imagine what it must be like for the person you've spent your life with, raised a family with, and made memories with for 60 years, to forget your name and forget all of those memories you've made in a lifetime. Who wouldn't want to go home and be with their Lord at that point? If you're reading this, please pray for peace for him and especially for my mother and aunts. Even though they believe that "to live is Christ, but to die is gain," it's still hard for them to see their dad like this.

Birth Center Photo

For some reason I couldn't get these in the earlier post... Oh well, here's a picture of one of 3 rooms at the birth center!

Eeny Meeny Miny Moe

Although I can't wish the time away, because I'm enjoying every minute (yes, even the miserably sick ones) of being pregnant, I'm excited that the first trimester is done. I've read that in just 3-6 weeks I will probably start feeling the baby move around. I can't wait!

My kids at work love to share the excitement with me. Yesterday, when two of my 3rd grade girls found out for the first time, they immediately grabbed my tummy to try and feel the baby (unsuccessfully of course). We spent the next hour with writing down names that they liked for a boy and a girl and drawing pictures of babies. The eeny-meeny method was quite successful in narrowing down our long list to just one, but something tells me that Ross and I will be a little more discriminate when deciding on our child's actual name.

A very generous couple from church gave us a crib that their grandchildren have just outgrown and we put it together on Monday. It's sitting outside the baby's room since the room is still functioning as extra storage, but I get so excited just passing by it every day! We're hoping to be able to collect most of the necessary gear second-hand from friends and on Craigslist, so it was a great boost for our plans. Thanks to all of you who responded with suggestions on what you liked/didn't like and needed/didn't need for your kiddos!

We visited a birth center on Monday to decide if it was the place where we want to give birth. It's very cozy, the rooms are nice, the staff was super helpful and friendly, and there is a great hospital just a couple blocks away where we would transfer to if anything doesn't go smoothly. We decided that it was definitely the right place. It was great to see it in person (rather than just looking at pictures online) and of course, as everything does, it got me so excited for the day when we get to hold our precious little one for the first time! I've had a few dreams about the baby in which it is always a boy, and he always starts growing up too fast (but they are still really good dreams). In the last one, he was already talking intelligently while he was still nursing. "Slow down!" I kept thinking... before waking up and realizing that unless he's a vampire/human, he will not be growing up that fast. :)

Ross & Ally Plus One

Sunday will make 11 weeks for the little one growing inside me... I can hardly believe Ross and I are going to be parents in just a few months! It's at least a little more real to me than to Ross, since I feel sick 50% of the time and am constantly aware that something is different in my body. Thanks for letting me know you're there, Baby!

Today we got a big surprise when we got to hear the heartbeat at our midwife visit. Inexpressible joy. :) As my midwife was rolling the little monitor over my belly, she asked me if I had any sense of where exactly the baby was at that moment. At first I thought, "Nope. Not a clue." But then I remembered I'd been feeling some strange sensations on one side, so I let her know that. Sure enough, there was Baby, heart pounding away! I just can't wait to be able to feel the moving around and kicks and be able to share with Ross so he can feel it too.

It is such fun getting to share our news with family and friends! I can only imagine how exciting it will be to get to announce to everyone when Baby is born... "It's a ____ and ___ name is ____!" Since we don't plan to find out if it's a boy or girl until the day we meet face to face, it will be an exciting surprise.

To any new or recent mothers out there, I would LOVE to have some suggestions on what kind of products you found helpful with your little one(s). Especially when it comes to the basics (since we don't want a bunch of unnecessary stuff), what brands/types did you like best and why? What were some things that you were really glad to have on hand? What things were a waste of money, or at least not useful for you in particular?

I miss Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

It's funny what happens to you when you read a book. Especially a long book or a series of books.


But even more strnage to me is what happens when you finish the book.

I just finished reading all 7 Harry Potter books for the second time. I was there from the time he turned 11 till he defeated Voldemort just before he turned 18. I was a part of the world of Hogwarts, wizards and witches and muggles, quidditch, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Gryffindor, Dumbledore and Snape, brooms and wands, for 7 years. I was there when he met Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. I was there for everything. I cheered them on as they fought Voldemort, and cried when the people they loved died. I shook my head when Harry got caught up in his pride and anger and hoped that Dumbledore would come through for him.

And then suddenly, after thousands of pages and countless hours... it was over. Yes, I did find out what happens later in their lives, but only enough to keep me wondering. It's like suddenly losing contact with a best friend, a friend you spent all your time with, then seeing them again years later for a brief moment just to hear that they're "doing fine."

JK, I know you've said many times that the last book was the last book. But I'm afraid you're going to have to keep going. I miss Harry, Hermione, and Ron and I need more.

That's all, thanks. :)

Our New Home

A few months ago we decided it was time to move. We started looking for jobs and interviewing and let the church in Artesia know that we would be leaving soon. We heard about a youth ministry job in Seattle and I immediately started dreaming... well, at the end of June we came up for an interview and at the end of July we we drove 4 days across the country and made it to our new home.




In the month and a half we've been here (I'm not counting the 11 day mission trip to Arizona that we left for 3 days after arriving in Seattle), we found a nice little townhome in an area that's close to downtown and also to the church building in Shoreline. The day after we moved in, I got a job working at the Boys and Girls Club Service Center, thanks to the HR director who is a friend from church. I ride the bus downtown every day and just love it.

We had to sell our sweet Sophia Lucia (our newest addition to the pet family) to some friends here because we just don't have the space here that we had in Artesia. She has a great home and Cortez is fine without her. :) I miss her, but we can see her anytime we want.



I think Cortez definitely prefers being an inside dog. He's been so good throughout everything and is so much better behaved than he used to be. He gets a lot more attention and gets walked a few times a day. :) The poor guy is sick today, though. Ross and I woke up late and discovered that he had gotten pretty sick during the night in the garage (which, by the way, is the coolest place in the house). He is weak and pitiful and can hardly stand because of something wrong with his back leg. I stayed home from church with him to clean up, make sure he's ok, and let him out when he needs out. He tried to follow me any time I leave the room but can't quite get up to do it so I'm trying to stay close to his side. I feel like a mom with a sick kid! We don't have a vet yet here, which is something we really need to do...




Ross and I are really wanting to start being healthier and exercising more often. It's good that we have to walk Cortez a few times a day - it gives us a little exercise too. And we have this beautiful park just a few blocks away, part grass and playground and picnic tables, and part thickly wooded with trails through the trees (and fresh blackberries to pick). There's also Greenlake, a gorgeous lake and park area a little farther away. We have really great areas nearby to enjoy being outside, but sadly the weather is already turning gray and drizzly and cold, so exercising outside will not be happening much longer. We're probably going to try P90X which we've heard so much good about. Our living room is really small so hopefully it doesn't require to much space!




Mom and Dad came to visit last weekend and we had a great time showing them around. Since we are still new here, we didn't quite know the best places to take them, but I think they enjoyed what they did get to see: a lot of downtown, where I work, our church, Pike Place market, a view of the Space Needle, a ferry to Kingston, the waterfront, and a few good restaurants. For Christmas, all of Dad's side of the family is going to Cabo San Lucas together. Grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I can't wait! It's going to be such a good time. All of the famliy rarely gets together because we're spread out all over the US, and what a great place to do it!




Until then... exploring and enjoying Seattle, and trying every day to bring glory to God.

Zoe

It's time for a new adventure.

No idea what's coming next. Well, I have a few ideas, but they're all very different and we may not even end up doing any of them. But something new is coming, and it's like a spring of excitement has opened in me again. I love the uncertainty of making big changes (although sometimes it's a love-hate relationship), the liberty in leaving behind something that made me weary every day, and the many possibilities of what could be.

But a lot of people are more realists than me. They like to be killjoys to people with big dreams and full trust that God will provide. "But where are you going?" "But what if you don't find a job soon?" "How will you afford living off just his salary and your savings?" "Do you really even have any idea what you want to do?" "How will you find a job when you can't even pinpoint the job you want?" "Why don't you just stick to the safe route until you have something figured out?"

The safe route is what kills me. It's been robbing me of my passions and desires and the zoe within me (zoe = full, abundant life that Jesus talked about wanting for us). Abraham was a man who had everything he needed, had many friends and family around him, knew what lay ahead for him in his future. He was safe, he was set. But God called him away from all that. We never hear anything about Abram and God, or even Abram's family and God, until God calls him. He tells him to leave behind everything he knows, follow God, and God would take care of him.

Well, God was true to his word. Abraham (his new name: "Father of many") became a very wealthy man (although that's not the point) and God gave a son to his barren wife. From that son came innumerous ancenstors, a great nation, and the most incredible gift of all: the savior of the world, who lived and died and made a way that we all might have zoe, both now and forever. Just imagine if Abram had refused God's call and instead, stuck with the logical choice - the one that he knew would take care of his family and make sure they were provided for; the one that followed all of the knowledge and experience from his 75 years rather than an intangible being he likely never heard a word from before. Imagine no Israel. Imagine no Jesus.

I'm not expecting God to bring a savior into the world through me. He's already done that and he doesn't need to again. But I am expecting him to do great things through mine and Ross's life when we follow his holy spirit in us. He used all kinds of nobodies in the Bible. Prophets who spoke his word which turned the hearts of nations, boys who became kings and brought glory to his name among all nations, fishermen who were honored above all to be at the feet of Jesus until his death and went on to tell the world about the Messiah! Pharisees who turned from the law they had clung to and instead found joy in suffering for the name of Jesus.

I am convinced that nothing in my life will ever matter, and I will never be full, unless my income, possessions, career, health, comfort, pride, and yes even my friends and family (Luk 14:26), pale in comparison to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord (Phil 3:8). That's where our zoe comes. When serving his will is the first thing we think about in the morning, the last thing we think about at night, and the driving force of everything we do, we will know the beautiful, peaceful, joyful, complete life for which God created us.

He's been calling. He's been offering his zoe. But it means trusting him to lead us. It means not relying on our own understanding and knowledge, but on His.

And so, we go.

If I don't do something remotely mind-engaging, I'm going to fall asleep (it's already happened a couple times). So I guess that means it's time to blog.

I had another pregnant dream last night. I've had way too many to count lately. And of course, Callie's pregnant, Niki's pregnant with #3, Audra just had #4, Tiffany's pregnant with #2, Patsy's telling me she's had dreams about me being pregnant and apparently her dreams are pretty prophetic. And I've talked to lots of women lately who got pregnant on birth control, without missing a pill or doing anything wrong. Ahh these things make me nervous!

Here's the latest exciting idea for Ross's and my future... without including babies any time soon! Jill threw an idea at me and I LOVE it. It involves traveling, living in another country (very possibly Latin American), being near good friends, and doing work that we WANT to do. Not to say that Ross isn't doing what he wants to do, just me. Hence blogging about doing something else with my life as I sit, bored at work.

It's called the HIM program. Helpers In Missions. You do mission work alongside an established missionary for 2 years. Me, Ross, Jill, and Thomas would love to go and work together. After the 2 years, figure out what we'd want to do from there. I would LOVE to do it with Susie in La Carpio, Costa Rica. There is such awesome work going on there and I've been there and been a part of it and seen how God is working through them to reach a poverty-ridden neighborhood of immigrants. Of course there are plenty of other places we could go and that one is not very likely, but as I imagine all of this working out, that's what I see in my head. La Carpio. Sharing a small house with Jill and Thomas in the neighborhood, or buying some farm land just across the bridge. Growing a community garden and sharing it with everyone. Raising chickens or cows and sharing their produce. Playing soccer with the kids, teaching the young mothers all that they missed out on learning because they couldn't go to school, helping at the clinic for the people who can't make it into the city for health care, helping them become legal residents so they can take care of their families, buying tortillas from the ladies on the streets and sharing a part of their lives, teaching and learning and growing together in God's love.

Well, I'm awake now. And I'll be thinking of Costa Rica for a while now...

I wanna move to New York.

Big city.

Farmers markets.

Thrift stores.

Lots of non-profits to work for.

Free stuff to do all the time.

People everywhere.

JILL (that's me and Jill!)

Tons of natural/organic food.

Freegans.

Recycling.

Public transportation.

Broadway.

Ok, that's it. I'm going back. :)

How Did We Get Here?

I'm very thankful for a whole lot of things in my life. Things now, things in my past, things in my life growing up...

But I'm also a little angry about some things. I grew up in the middle of a world, a country, a people, very consumed by some things, ideas, and practices that I'm not proud of. And it seems it has only gotten more intense as I've gotten older.

We like to have money. But we don't keep it long. We like to spend it too much. And when we don't have it? Spend it anyway. We like to have nice, new things. We like our things to look good. Even when the things we had before were still functioning fine. But if newer and better is out there, we like to make that happen for ourselves.

We fill up our houses that we will be paying for the rest of our lives with stuff that we're still paying for too. Half of that stuff we never see because it's locked away in a closet or the attic. Some of it we see once a year, like at Christmas time when the entire decor of our houses changes to red and green and lights and stars. Celebrating the birth of Jesus, of course. Who probably would thoroughly enjoy our decorations, our unusually large amount of electricity use, our uprooted trees that will soon be thrown away, our expensive new toys and clothes and other presents that will only keep us happy for a very short amount of time, and our impatience with family members and friends that we would rather not have to spend so much time with. Right?

We base our success levels on how high up our jobs are and how much money we make, while time spent with family and friends and resting and doing things we love get pushed aside. We are so caught up in the need to feed our longing for stuff that we neglect teaching our own kids and instead pay for strangers to raise them and teach them all the things they need to know.

We go to church sometimes and feel better about ourselves. But we forget that "going to church" is something we made up a long time ago, and will never do anything for our souls. Being the church, reaching out to the needs of the world, loving people unconditionally, and showing them the God who loves them, can never be accomplished by going to church. We ask God for things when we need it, but when there are hurting people around us and across the world from us who need things, we're too attached to all that we have to realize that God needs us to meet their needs. Some of us who really care about our kids knowing God expect them to learn it all in an hour a week during Sunday school instead of teaching them about him in our homes, families, and everyday lives.

We think community is a place where we live next to neighbors we never see or talk to and don't have time to get to know them anyway. We prefer to have our busy schedules that keep us living the extravagant lives we like instead of having real relationships with people that require time and effort and sacrifice and yield more back to us than anything else can. We involve our kids in all kinds of activities from a young age so that they can be the best at something when they get older and feel some sort of worth and make a living and be respected... instead of teaching them how to be a kind, honorable, compassionate, generous, humble, loving person.

We buy things from and work for companies that care about little more than profit. Whose CEO's make more in an hour than their sweatshop workers across the world will make in 10 years. Who rob the earth's resources with no concern for the consequences now, tomorrow, for themselves, or anyone else.

We trash this beautiful earth God created for us to take care of, fill up landfills with the things we got tired of, the stuff that workers slaved to make for their companies, wasted food that could feed the thousands of people who starve to death every day, pollute the air and water and then create medical fixes for our tortured lungs and bodies, eat things that were never meant to be put in our bodies and take all kinds of medicines when we don't feel good.

We have no idea what it means to love our neighbors, much less our enemies! We'd rather bomb them and get rid of them so we never have enemies to worry about loving. We're arrogant enough to think we have some right to the country we were born in and want to kick out anyone who was born in a different country, even if they're just trying to feed their family. We can be paid enough to say or do anything. We think our government owes us something so we vote for the things that will benefit us most. We have no idea what humility means and cling to our pride and everything that puffs it up. We'dmuch rather see someone else hurt or embarrassed than admit out wrong or apologize for our own reproach.

I'm angry that I grew up in a world like that. And I'm even more angry that I've been a part of it.


God, save us from ourselves! We've forgotten you and your ways and all that is Good. Remind us, whatever it takes. Bring us to rock bottom if that's the only way we will come back to you and learn your ways again. And forgive us for the people we've hurt, the times we've hurt ourselves, our contempt of your creation, our selfishness and pride, our unwillingness to let go of our own way and see instead how good your way is.

New York, New York

At 3:45 this afternoon my flight leaves for the big city. The last 2 times I was there, I was concerned about being a tourist. Stayed in a hotel, visited the big sites, wandered around Time Square, saw broadway shows, shopped, took lots of pictures, etc.

This time will be a little different. I've traveled a lot in my short life and enjoyed every bit of it. But I've discovered that being a tourist is not the way to travel. Most of my favorite travelling memories have nothing to do with seeing the sites, being in famous places, eating in nice restaurants. Here are just a few...

Sitting in a hostel in the Manarola, Cinque Terre, Italy. Playing cards with my friends and some other travelling strangers. Hearing about another girl's experience working for a year with a poor orphanage in Mexico. Talking to a 50 year old woman who was fulfilling her dream of seeing the world, all by herself.

Going to the home of a family in Dundee, Scotland. Seeing their family and how excited they were to have us in their home. Eating dinner with them, eating an amazing birthday cake she made, and later that night singing praises to our God together.

Sitting next to my husband atop the roof of a hostel in London, watching the moon and listening to the people still out late into the night.

At a gelato shop in Vienna, Austria with my friend Jolly, a refugee from Nigeria. Listeining to his stories from his home country, and sharing a part of his life.

On the U-bahn in Vienna, sitting next to a little girl of about 5 named Michelle. I didn't speak much German and she didn't speak any English. But she was teaching my husband and I German from a magazine and shaking her head at us when we couldn't get it right.

In Limon, Costa Rica on my birthday. One the porch of a sweet African-Caribbean woman's humble apartment, drinking some sweet drink and rocking in rocking chairs with some friends and her grandchildren. She came out later with some gifts for me that she'd found in her house. A small stuffed bunny and two shirts. "If you were home and it was your birthday, you'd get presents. Well I want you to feel at home and I want you to have presents," she told me with a proud smile.

Riding bikes in Rivas, Nicaragua, down a muddy dirt road to a taco stand late one night. I was the only one who had my own "bici"; everyone else had two on theirs. We got our tacos and rode home under an incredibly star-lit sky, surrounded by trees and forests like I've rarely seen.

Sewing ribbons to honor kids at graduation by candlelight on a small island in Panama with people of the Kuna Indians. The rain started to pour and we danced in the pouring rain, soaked to the bone, hearing the waves crash on the shore, and having no light whatsoever to see where we were.

Being woken up to Christmas music in the middle of the night from outside the grass hut that I was staying in on the same island, Ailigani. Getting up to realize we were celebrating Mother's Day by waking all the mothers up around the island and singing to them.

Talking to an old man in Scotland who shared his life's story with us for about an hour. He knew everyone that walked by and introduced us, then continued his story. Sweet old man. :)

Playing with my little friend, Sole, a 10-year old refugee from Paraguay, in Vienna. She didn't speak much German so she couldn't talk to the other kids very well, but we both spoke Spanish. So we became good friends.

Meeting a French woman in Vienna who was looking for a few places in the city. She asked me for directions, so I ended up showing her around Vienna. We had a great time and parted as if we were old friends.

Teaching English to some young girls in La Carpio, Costa Rica. Most of them had children and they ranged from 13 - 20 years old. None had finished school, and none knew of any life besides the poor squatter community of immigrants in which they lived.

I suppose I should stop there. But I plan on making many more memories like those wherever I go. This weekend it's to Brooklyn, where I'll stay with my dear friend Jill, hopefully get to meet some of the people/kids she works with, see her side of life in New York, and maybe make some new friends along the way. Until Monday...

Good-bye Stilettos!

I want to know what idiot invented high heels. And then I want to admit to being an idiot and buying them. Even wearing them!

I believe today I've reached a turning point: no more high heels for me.

I've been walking around all day at work in these gorgeous white peep toes. Even hubby said I look great today in them. I've got a good extra 3-4 inches on me. And my feet are screaming at me to stop torturing them! So for the next 1 1/4 hours, I'm going to do everything I can to stay off my feet, then walk to my car barefoot and banish the shoes to a far away place.

Well... maybe I'm being a little extreme.

Ok, the heels won't be banished completely but NO MORE wearing them to work! Only times when I know I won't be walking much or wearing them long.

What Could Have Been

An old friend of mine died this week. And when I say old, I mean I hadn't seen or spoken to Jack since I was 16 or 17. We were never even that good of friends. But nevertheless, I call him my friend.

I met him in the stage of my life where I was just beginning to find that people liked me, that I really enjoyed making new friends, and even that some of the male gender was attracted to me. Jack was one of this oddly, self-proclaimed cool crowd. Rebellious but somewhat charming. If he and his buddies started using a new phrase, everyone else did too. And everyone knew who they were.

One of his friends, a completely uninhibited guy who loved attention, decided he had a crush on me one summer. He didn't hide it by any means, but flattered and distracted me as often as possible. It was amusing to his friends, so Jack and his group tended to hang around me. Of course I was very different than them, and usually didn't know how to respond, so I laughed a lot. I was a "good girl" and they knew it, and loved to play it up. Say that I was too good for them. That that's why I wouldn't go out with his friend.

Of course, I did like the attention. And I liked what I saw when Jack and his friend let their guard down. When they weren't trying so hard to keep their too-cool-for-everything image, they were real people that cared about real things. It just didn't happen very often. They had been hurt too much to let their guard down, and no one had ever given them much to trust in.

I lost touch with Jack and his friend. Some of the others I heard about over the years and saw every now and then. Some of them grew up and realized the lifestyle they had been living wasn't the kind they wanted to live.

But it seems Jack never realized that. Or if he did, he was never able to leave that lifestyle. Maybe he never had enough people around him to tell him otherwise, to remind him of who he could be and the kind of life he could live, to love him and be worthy of his trust. Maybe he never understood the fullness of God's grace and love, and so he kept trying to fill his soul with anything else. Maybe he thought that was as good as life gets...

Right now people are sitting in church building, listening to someone talk about Jack. Maybe they're talking about that chraming smile. Maybe they're talking about the friends he left behind. Maybe they're cursing Satan for telling him the lies, for ensnaring him in the tangles of the drugs that took his life. Maybe they're wondering what could have been. Oh, what could have been.

101 things in 1001 days

101/1001
My 101 things to do in 1001 days

Spiritually:
1. continue reading through the Bible each year (3)
2. pray for certain friends/family daily (1001)
3. pray for certain non-Christians daily (1001)
4. pray with Ross every day (1001)
5. spend some time each month getting to know older people in my congregation outside the church building (33)
6. give at least 1 hour/week in community service (143)
7. finish The Shack
8. finish This Beautiful Mess
9. read God Wants to Save Christians
10. read UnChristian
11. read Jesus in the Margins
12. read Lost Letters of Pergamum
13. re-read Ragamuffin Gospel
14. read Under the Overpass
15. read Redeeming Love
16. open our home to anyone who needs a place to stay
17. never turn someone down who is in need
18. never turn my eyes away from the needy
19. recognize the needs of everyone around me (physical, spiritual, emotional) and be willing to offer anything I have to them
20. spend time alone with God each day (1001)
21. learn leccio divina
22. celebrate some creative holidays (i.e. the day I became a Christian)
23. visit an intentional faith community and make plans to be a part of one

Relationally:
24. read Love and Repect
25. make myself vulnerable in my marriage
26. refuse to argue even when I think I’m right
27. refuse to answer unkindness with unkindness
28. be quick to listen and slow to speak
29. recognize when I’m tempted to say anything selfish or unkind or out of anger, and immediately think of something kind to say
30. do random acts of kindness for my husband

31. tell my husband daily how much he means to me (1001)
32. become the kind of listener who isn’t constantly thinking of what I want to say next
33. have healthy habits already in our marriage so that when we have a family, it will already be a part of our lives and our kids will grow up with them:
a. studying the Bible together at least weekly
b. praying together
c. praying for others more than ourselves
d. memorizing the Word so that it might be written on our hearts
e. spending time specifically in service to others
f. talking about what God does in our daily lives
g. talking about how God’s word affects our daily lives
h. watching a limited amount of TV every day
i. sharing everything we have: nothing is “mine”
34. make friends who speak Spanish and converse at least weekly (143)
35. call close friends at least once a month (33)
36. take dancing lessons with Ross
37. learn to enjoy watching football on TV with Ross every now and then
38. go camping with Ross every year (3)
39. make friends with people who aren’t Christians
40. play in the rain with Ross and get completely drenched
41. be more spontaneous with Ross
42. sleep together under the stars one night

Physically:
43. work out regularly (at least 3 times/week) (429)
44. eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables
45. watch my sodium consumption!
46. find new low easy, low calorie recipes to use often
47. go to the dentist twice/year (6)
48. floss regularly
49. spend at least a few hours a week outside when the weather is nice
50. take Cortez to the park at least twice a month (66)
51. find a volleyball league to play in (if I’m in a bigger city)
52. walk Cortez at least once a week (143)

Ecologically:
53. have a garden
54. eat mostly our own home-grown fruits and vegetables
55. plant trees and take good care of them
56. compost
57. hang our clothes to dry instead of wasting energy in the dryer
58. learn to sew well
59. sew everything I can of my own
60. create and use a good system of toilet flushing with sink water
61. buy mostly non-individually packaged things
62. recycle the usual paper, plastic, and aluminum
63. learn to recycle and reuse a lot of our own things
64. open the windows when it’s nice instead of wasting energy with air conditioning
65. ride my bike wherever possible instead of driving
66. learn to use the public transportation if I’m in a city that has it
67. find a haircut that doesn’t require daily blow drying, straightening, and hair spraying
68. catch rain water and use it to water my garden
69. take my own reusable cup everywhere so I don’t have to waste paper and plastic ones
70. keep my own reusable grocery bag and buy few enough groceries that I can always use my own bag instead of wasting plastic ones
71. buy furniture at garage sale
72. shop at thrift/second-hand stores


Everything Else:
73. find a job in which I spend time with people, use my Spanish, do not feel in conflict with my beliefs on the system, and find ways to glorify God daily
74. save at least $10,000 for a down payment on a house
75. get our last 2 student loans paid off (or at least the majority of them)
76. buy a house and fix it up
77. live with friends
78. have a room/guest house specifically for anyone who ever needs a place to stay
79. work hard at everything, as though working for the Lord and not men
80. limit my personal spending each month
81. completely stop buying from companies who utilize cheap labor in foreign countries, child labor, sweat shops, and who are otherwise socially irresponsible
82. visit Reggy, Jolly, Thompson, and other friends in Vienna
83. visit Susie, Sarita, my Nunez family, Laura, Trevor, Natalie, and other friends in Costa Rica
84. travel to a country I’ve never been to before
85. travel to a state I’ve never been to before
86. start grad school if we’re in a city that has a university with the program
87. re-read all the Harry Potter books before movie #7 comes out
88. finish reading the Lord of the Rings
89. learn a fiddling song on the violin
90. learn to play “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”
91. build a nice patio area outside our house (not rent house) with furniture and cook out often
92. get a girl puppy for Cortez and breed beautiful baby Golden Retrievers
93. watch a sunrise
94. sing with my friends
95. go to a symphony concert
96. watch the entire LOST series
97. finish El Alquimista
98. read Cien Anos de Solidad
99. read 1 other Paulo Coehlo book
100. re-read LASP articles
101. attend the next PAPA Fest

I think I'll be beginning Feb. 1st and then ending November 29, 2011. So, here we go!

No more wasting time!

Ok Kendra, I'm just gonna start blogging without having to put serious time and thought into what I write. Because usually it would take me a few hours to write a post... thinking of what to say, organizing it, giving it a purpose, changing it, concluding it.

But since you're the one of two who will ever read this, I'll just write. Hokay? :)

So when I went to the gynecologist yesterday, even worse than the purpose of the visit was the normal blood pressure and weigh-in session. Ugh. I got off the scale as quick as I could! But it hit me pretty hard. Not only am I the heaviest I've ever been, my blood pressure was a little high! (Ok so the nurse said it was probably because I was a little nervous - is anybody really comfortable going to the gyno? But still!)

No more wasting time. I have to start being healthier. Unlike you Kendra, I can't do the running thing. Can't because I choose not to. But we do have a mini workout room at the Baptist church in town, free for anyone, and I've been a few times. But I'm going to start going regularly. Hopefully I can get Ross to go with me but he doesn't like being rushed - and to do it, we will be rsuhed. But I'm going to do it regardless! Yesterday I stocked up on the quick, low-cal meals and snacks and fruit. That way I can have time to make lunch, not eat the kind of stuff Ross does that are not be-healthier-foods (of course he's never had to think about weight his whole life), and eat snacks when I feel like it that aren't going to keep me from losing weight!

Last night we had our last small group time with the Truth Project. A little disappointing that it's over, but now we get to become group leaders and do it all over with a new group! The Truth Project is a DVD series intended for small group to watch and discuss over 12 weeks. From the moment the first session started, I was hooked! I would love to talk about what it is but I just couldn't do it justice. Check out the website for yourself: http://www.thetruthproject.org/ I think every person who has any desire to follow Christ should be a part of it.

And now I have a new fun thing to do: 101 things in 1001 days. I love lists! But there's no way I'll finish it today so hopefully I'll have a good chunk of it down for next time.

Yesterday I couldn't get my mind off of a specific memory I have from a few years ago. It was my sophomore year of college and there had been a boy (of course) that had been filling up my time and mind for a few weeks. We were having a great time... and then suddenly, it was gone. No explanation. So one night in my apartment, I sat with some friends. Good friends, the kind you never forget. And they sat there and held me as I cried. But I wasn't just crying for him. I didn't love him and I hadn't expected it to last. No, I was crying because I felt the pain, the loneliness, the emptiness of a broken world. I longed to matter, to have some kind of significance, and for a few weeks, I felt it from him. And then, just as it was really beginning to sink in, it was stolen. I was left, not just without significance, but completely and utterly worthless. Yearning for the life I was meant to live, for the woman I was meant to be. Yearning to see my Father's face and walk next to him. But overwhelmingly aware that in a garden, long ago, we all lost that life we were meant for.



Everyone feels it now and then. Some more often than not. We were created for something different than this and our hearts ache for it. My friends, holding me on either side that night, knew they could do nothing to change it. They too were a part of the broken world. But they shined the one light that can break through the darkness. In the middle of my pain, I felt true love. Not romance, not infatuation. I saw my friends' love for me on their shoulders, soaked in my tears. It was almost as if God himself, the God who is Love, was holding me in his safe, loving arms.



If in my life I can shine that light to a broken world, a hurting people, or even just one aching person, my life will have mattered. I have no greater desire than this: to love.